Rantings of a Pastor/Gamer/Historian/Geek
I have a problem. It’s something I’ve dealt with for a long time, and every time I think I’ve shaken it, it comes right back. All too often I find my identity in everything but Christ. Friends, stuff, position, you name it, and I have tried to define myself by it. Maybe you can relate, and, if not, you’ll have something to point and laugh at me about with your friends. (If you have any, you mean jerk)
When I was younger I needed to be the smartest person in the room. I didn’t just want to be, I needed to. I placed my entire self-worth, my validation for existence, if you will, upon how smart I was. That was how I defined myself. As I got older, I began to see myself as the total of how many friendships I had. Do people like me? What do they really think? What does [insert cool person here] think about me? I was completely obsessed with making sure that I had friends. After all, if I didn’t have friends, who was I?
Like I said at the beginning, I still struggle with the problem of identity. There are times I find that I am reverting back to the old way of seeing myself. Back to when I didn’t know who I was. When my identity wasn’t in who God made me to be, but in my circumstances. But the problem with defining yourself by your circumstances is that circumstances always change, you never know who you are going to be from one day to the next.
Where do you find your identity? Where do you receive your validation? Is it from other people? From something you do well? Paul said to the Christians at Colossae:
…you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. (Colossians 2:10 NIV)
We have been given fullness in Christ. We didn’t earn it, or make enough friends for it. God gave it to us, through the sacrifice of his son. I don’t know about you, but the next time I have problems with my identity, I’ll try and remember that I’ve only been given fullness in Christ.
Bruce
July 25th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I think most people have that issue. My version is a little more off than yours though. The fact that I got over defining myself by people or success very early, but instead my personality is so that I had drawn out what I wanted people to see to the point that it didn’t matter what they thought, it was the facade of who I was to that particular person that I had to maintain it. It got so that I couldn’t tell who I was simply because I was so many different things to so many different people. So where you were worried about friends and success, I was basing my personality on those different things and making people believe that I was what I wanted them to think I was. All of which left me with a decent job, a wife, and a few friends. I have since consolidated my personalities into 1 leaving life less complicated and probably explains why I have so little friends.